I, too, am afraid!
"She has no fear!" In February 2017 I lived by myself in India. One of the most challenging, and also most rewarding, places imaginable. I was supposed to assist someone in writing a book, having a landing place and "tour guide", but the energy became unhealthy and I was mostly on my own for 4 1/2 months. India can be dangerous, especially if you are a woman, traveling alone. That is a a fact, no matter how much you trust in the Universe.
Living smack dab in the midst of New Delhi, visiting markets, temples, and all became my past time. One day, as I was visiting the Akshardham Temple, I became surrounded by about 150 Vietnamese tourist. A whole group, traveling together, with 3 interpreters. It was wonderful being surrounded by a different culture, one who had no problem sitting close to me, touching me, and asking me a bunch of questions. By that time I did not have any physical contact for 3 months.
One day I was riding in a taxi with a male driver, and by nature, while talking to him, I touched his shoulder. He taught me very sternly that a woman would never touch a stranger male in India, for it implies that she is physically interested in him/a loose woman. Oops. So, here I was, embraced by this Vietnamese Group, realizing how starved I was for touch. We shared a lot, through the interpreters, about our cultures, our home countries, food, and more. In the midst of this sharing, I saw one woman saying something in Vietnamese, and the whole group (all 150 people!) looked at me in absolute awe and nodded their heads. I asked the interpreters what was said.
"She has no fear!"
In Vietnam, no woman would ever travel by herself. Maybe the men neither? It is such a collective hive mind way of life, where community equals safety. This one sentence, the way it was said, and how the group reacted, it seemed like I had one amazing superpower. "No fear". Only by having that superpower was it possible, in their eyes, to travel alone. This one sentence-declaration made everyone look at me the way you might look at Super Man incarnated. One part of me wanted to explain myself, but I realized very quickly that it would not make sense to them, even if I would explain what courage means. To have fear, but to do it anyway. It would have been such a foreign concept for all of them, it made no sense to even go there. We parted ways, gifting each other a most beautiful connection, but it left me with a lot to process.
Currently I am on a road trip, Portland to Sedona, by car. I had a few people being worried about me, a few admiring my "strength", lots cheering me on. I do know though my fb posts, my blogs, and even personal connections and sessions, I and...we all, paint a picture of a life that seems much more effortless than how it often is. What you see is never the whole story.
I, too, have fear. At times, crippling, due to PTSD and a severe TBI. I used to push through it, making things happen "despite". More so than most. Mostly because I did not want traumatic experiences to dictate how I life my future, but also simply because I am such a free bird, even fear and brain challenges can't tie me down. I need to be this free flowing, because of the way I am called to show up for the collective. Where the collective needs the energy that is flowing through me, I am asked to show up.
Moving, or rather being moved, to Sedona in 2014 was beyond challenging. I came here, based on guidance. Giving up everything in Vermont, two suitcases, $317 in my pocket, no known place to move into, not knowing what's next. Only showing up in service. It wasn't a rose colored decision to live in this most magical place, it wasn't a wish of mine. I fought it tooth and nail, tears and all. But, as many of you know, I live where I need to be, not where I choose to. Sedona, that is another beautiful story, but back then, all was about "somehow making it happen." Pushing through, surviving, scarcity, and being utterly angry with the whole Universe to have been asked to let go of safety, only to land in my new assignment without the seemingly necessary support. Of course, ALL was there, including a major healing of scarcity, homelessness, no food. A theme that started in my very early childhood. It was rough, my first months of Sedona life back in 2014, but from there, once I realized how taken care off I am, even (or especially) when gifted challenges, my life flowed very differently.
Sedona was my turning point. I started to understand how carried I am by the Universe. What felt like a constant struggle, my life that is, started to become a major blessing. Nothing changed much but my point of view. Rather than relying on myself, I started to rely on God/Love/Universe. Rather than thinking that the world is a war zone and I have to survive, I started to move into the believe that most people are placed into my life to assist me, or to be assisted by me, rather than to hurt me. Mostly, I started to simply expect goodness. Sometimes that still came in packages of challenges, but the feeling was different. Perhaps because I started to understand the underlying rightfulness of it all. My first part of my life, up until past 2010, has been full of major trauma, that is a fact. It would have made most people most fearful of life itself. When does the next blow come, the next attack on life and livelihood? Having walls up, defenses, being prepared for the battlefield ahead.
I don't subrsibe to the notion that you draw that stuff to you. That whole spiritual teaching about "whatever is going on in the inner realm, is what you will experience on the outer" has been extremely disempowering to the most light filled workers here. In the old paradigm, the more light-work you did, the more the "other side" tried to challenge that, stop that work, your mission. Attacks, traumas, woundings, those were absolute reality for many. Outer imposed. Not "drawn to you because you still need to do work on yourself'! It all looks much different now though, the duality is not as harsh as it was in the old, and with it, being in your mission has become much more effortless, gentle, and kind. Hallelujah!
That does not mean that fear does not come up for me. On my way from Susanville, CA (what a weird place, hmmmm) to Las Vegas, I found myself, surprisingly so, in Death Valley. I mapped out a bit of a structure around my 3 days of driving, but was not aware that I would go through Death Valley. It started to get dark, I was all alone on the vast road, and here comes the sign: Death Valley.
For about a good 4 minutes, all the things that could go wrong came up for me. Not because there was anything indicating any challenges, but because movies have taught me that Death Valley is a dangerous place. How funny :)...in retrospect. Not so funny in the moment. I had to calm myself down by going through a mental checklist. "Kassia, you got way enough water, blankets, camping gear, a reliable car, a mostly full tank...and...
...why would anything go wrong? What is the use of any struggles on this trip?"
There is no learning, no soul development necessary by being stuck in Death Valley. Nothing in the Universe is saying: More challenges please for Kassia! It simply makes no sense anymore in this new paradigm, for us to be asked to do our work while moving through thick mud, major roadblocks, grand challenges. It is not part of the story of Lightholders anymore. Done, finished!
As soon as I moved back to that truth, I had the most glorious drive, even passed Area 51, wow! The sunset was stunning, the road beyond beautiful. and I realized one other major gift. Two days before, I've sent my brother in Germany a picture. It was meant for him to cheer him on on his personal path. Not one moment was I thinking about my journey when I picked it out for him. Then I realized, I am on that road! Goosebumps. Perhaps not exactly on that road, but pretty much. It blew me away. It was so perfectly orchestrated. Once I realized that, I was speechless and leaky eyed :). The photo that came to me online, to pass on to him, it had a grand meaning for him, yet it equally it held the biggest message for me. Your road is already mapped out, trust it, ride it, relax.
I could stop here but want to add two more things.
I was all prepared to go camping the night before. Arrived at the camp site at 5pm, and a big storm was brewing over the lake. I couldn't quite figure out where I was supposed to park my car, there was a LOT of male energy on the grounds, which made me feel like I had to hold a whole bunch a feminine energy (no need for holding the feminine for the masculine anymore), and then someone drove up, smoking right next to me. I sat there for a good 20 min. One part of me did not want to give up. One part was wondering if I am in fear and need to push through. Another part was wondering if it is great experience for me, just like in India. Challenging but kind of like when I rented a scooter and drove happily through India traffic. Super scary at first, doable, and in the end beyond blissful. It is all such a fine line of discernment. Although I am fully living the believe that l can rely on my beautiful Universe God Essence, that I am carried and taken care off, that does not mean that everything around me is indeed safe. Something was off, and it felt like way too much of a "needing to push through". That feeling of too many challenges to just sleep for one night felt incongruent to what I know of those new paradigm vibrations. The atoms are not that close to each other where we are now, which means things move through much easier. You see?!
That became my qualifier to say no to camping and to rest in an Airbnb in Susanville. Trusting and discernment need to go hand in hand. Signs will show up to let you know if something is a yes or no. No need to then rough it out. That's old paradigm energy. Yet, to give you an idea how the other side looks like, here is one last little story. Sometimes a little pushing through brings the magic at the end.
I was in the mountains of Oregon, somewhere in a remote town. A few country stores, a gas station. I stopped at a store, because it said 'camping gear' on the sign outside. I planned on sleeping in my car (it's made for it), but thought a tent would be kind of nice too. I walked in and here were three Mountain Men, just the way you would imagine an Oregon Man who lives the rough and tough life. It was a bit overwhelming and imposing at first, and my body reacted. Fear to warn of danger? No, not one bit.
PTSD gave me false evidence, imagining danger when there was none. I knew that, but the Universe sent me an extra little sign. Their broad and warm smiles told me all I needed to know. We started chatting and one asked me what I do. I usually am vague about it, since I don't advertise my work. The Universe places people in front of me and I respond. This time I was called to answer freely. The guy who asked me become super excited and said: "Oh, please help our Buddy here, he sure could use some guidance." Indeed, he did! Through that, I walked away having made a most magical connection, having assisted a most shiny Light Soul on his path and in his mission ( he is sooooo there for the collective, thank you Mountain Man LightHolder), and walked away with a brand new tent for next to nothing. I too have fear. But less and less. Sometimes it is an old cellular memory, and I am asked to override that. Sometimes fear is my wonderful, well working alarm system, and I am asked to absolutely listen to it. Mostly though I have seen that many expect things to come to them left and right, and that's what will happen in their life. "That's just how life is", they say, "not easy but I somehow will make it through.". No...not at all. How sad to still hear that way too often.
I am here on Earth on a work assignment. I expect my Employer to make it a safe environment, to give me all I need to do my work fully, to give me extra such as vacation time, so I can show up rested. To overall, rather than sending people who sabotage my work, it is placing all the wonderful Souls in front of me who need what flows through me. Welcome to the New Paradigm Vibration. We are now operating under different universal laws, and this means our work looks different, our path is much gentler, and the pushing through, by all means necessary, is in most parts a clear no.
What are your expectations? Where can you still ease off more? Be kinder with yourself, gentler, more compassionate? Are you still operating under old paradigm vibrational laws? Let go, the new is already here. Thank you Sedona and Sedona friends for being so welcoming. I have not left 1 second. I guess I lived in more than one place simultaneously. Coming back physically though, I know I carry a different energy. The funny thing is, many make it about my hair color, red to blond. But that is just an outer manifestation of the inner. I am softer and much sweeter with myself than I was in 2014. I am gentler with the world at large, all in my sacred feminine finally, and I don't feel like I need the fire to protect me, or to burn away anything that is not conducive to me.
I love you all so very much, wherever you are on this Planet. Thank you for YOU.
As always, you can find me here to book a comprehensive, intuitive session with me.